My perception of love differs with the phase of life

I’m writing this on my flight from Singapore to Brisbane, Australia. During this vacation trip, this thought really got stuck in my mind. Coincidentally, i turned 21 2months ago. I realised the perception of relationship as a teenager as a young adult differs greatly. I grew up with 2 beautiful sisters, and watching Disney fairy tales like Beauty and the Beast, Cinderella was very much a norm. When I was younger, I always wanted my girlfriend to be someone very pretty, someone like a princess, someone who will make jaws drop before you could recall her name. However, now that I am older, I realised that is not all to a relationship. This is especially so when you think of marriage and family. Suddenly, I find myself viewing relationships from the realm of pure emotions to a realm of practicality. Emotions may tell us how we feel, but if you reference the emotions for someone with practicality, you realised he/she may not be that perfect to fit your bill after all. Let me share with you some factors I never thought when I was in that ‘realm of pure emotions’.

Consider these factors that you (like me) would probably oversee when you were younger:

1) Finance. I know many people will think you are a materialistic maniac, but the truth is if you go into a relationship with future in sight, finance is a major factor. Do you really want to marry someone knowing nose-dive plunge is ahead, you are going to struggle with financial hardship? I do believe there is an element of romance in long suffering, isn’t this so in many movies? Well, it is romantic in the realm of pure emotions, but not in practicality. I realised many of my friends who are ladies, as they grew older, the financial stability factor gets so influential. For example, in university, more and more of my girl friends are choosing to date men who are in the workforce with a sustainable income and career.

Men got to work our socks off, we are supposed to be a pivotal financial support in the relationship, but think about it. If you want to start a business, you have an awesome idea, don’t you think a well-to-do girlfriend(wife-to-be) will offer you a better opportunity, network and resource to achieve your business goal/dream?

That being said, I learn from Malcolm Gladwell’s book, Outliers, there is a deeper and complex understanding to all these. Opportunities, networking and resources don’t just come out of nothing, they are closely related to family history, family background etc.

2) Family background. Some call marriage the merger of a man and a woman. I think this concept is very true, but it is an incomplete sentence. Marriage is in fact, the merger of a man and a woman AND THEIR FAMILIES. How often have you heard of marriage where the two families have conflict of interests but yet the couple are loving and happy as ever? No matter how loving a couple may be, when there is a clash of interest between the two families, friction will also occur in the relationship of the couple as well. This is because family holds such a stronghold in an individual’s emotional realm and formation of values and beliefs.

It is no wonder that when I walk past secondary school couples, i would turn to whoever I am with and offer them a smile. Then again, I must admit I admire their ignorance; ignorance is indeed bliss. Ignorance to the many realities that we learn as we grow older and wiser...