When you're left speechless and all else doesnt matter

If you have been reading this blog, you will be amazed by what happened. For 2 years, I never cared much about girls or anything to do with them. After what happened, girls/relationships all just seem so fake to me. I dedicated this blog to my thoughts and opinions, talking on my perception on love, how it could be perfect, about finding the sole one person, having the perfect date etc.

To be honest, I dont know what hit me, but i have been talking and spending time with a particular girl. We are just friends right now, but just knowing the fact that she is around, making her smile, making her blush covering her face with her notes really is like drugs. I used to think and write so much of what I look for, but in the end, when it hit you, it really doesnt matter.

There are a few things i learn from her though:

1) I learn that girls will want to know why, the start of things, whereas I am more interested as to what we are going to deal with in the future. She asked me why I like her, why am i interested in her. The truth is, like what I mentioned earlier, i really dont know. Obviously beauty,intelligence(witty she calls it),chemistry,comfort level with her around play a part, but its just because it is her,she is different.

2) When a girl talks of interest, it doesnt mean commitment. A girl may be interested, but it doesnt mean she is ready to commit. That is the complexity of a woman's mind. Would i be upset if she doesnt want to commit overtime? I would, but would i still go out with her, even if she doesn't commit? Despite the pain,i probably will.

At the end of it all, i dont know what she thinks, how she feels or what the future behold. If all these was nothing more than a play, and i have been used as a puppet, I know i have put myself into a risk that I am willing to take. She knows my past, she knows the hurtful stuff I did to take revenge on my past, but more importantly i want her to know i want a changed future from my past.

In our broken down world,nobody is perfect,everyone has their past and the future is uncertain.Right now, i really am unsure when our last outing will be. But if today we had our last outing, i really want to let you know that I like you, and i need to thank you for enabling me to feel and say those 3 simple words genuinely once again...